I am sitting here, writing this on a Sunday afternoon, feeling accomplished. I have been shopping, baked some cakes and prepared a roast dinner. It’s not every day I feel so satisfied; I often feel like I haven’t done enough with my free time. But I am reflecting and appreciating how I feel in this moment.
It has been a tough year, as many of you know. My health deteriorated and no one knew why, but now I have accepted that no one will ever really know. My doctor is still very helpful and wanting me to remain under his care for the time being. He has said it is unlikely he will ever be able to label what I have been dealing with. This also means that I may still experience those awful pains and the horrible episodes from time to time. But so far, the medication he has prescribed me has helped.
So, what now? I have been so stressed and depressed for most of the year and I’m not really any further forward. In a way, I feel like I have wasted most of my 2019 waiting for a diagnosis. I have hardly being able to think of anything else.
As time went on and all my tests came back normal, I knew deep down I would never know what causes my body to betray me like it does. But the attitude of my doctor has helped me accept this. Now, I can focus on the rest of my life and make the most of the time I feel well!
I am feeling a lot more positive recently and almost at peace with the past year. Now I want to focus on my future with my husband, my friends and family and enjoying life as much as I can. I know I won’t always feel this way, mental health can change so quickly. But with the right self care and looking after my body as much as possible, I think I will be okay.