I have been sitting here all week, trying to will myself to write about something vintage. I have a whole list written in a notebook to prompt me to write about vintage. But I just can’t bring myself to set my hair and do my make up. And I just can’t bring myself to write about it.
I try to be quite open about some things in my life, to help bring attention to certain subjects, such as mental health. But I really find myself struggling to write about this – I don’t want people to think I am being selfish or exaggerating. Except that I know, in my position right now, I’d love someone else to have written about it, for me to find on my endless google searches. To help me feel better. So, I guess I will write about my own experience.
Despite sitting down to write this, I’m not quite ready to
discuss the ins and outs of what’s been going on recently. In fact, I am
limited in knowledge on what’s going on! But here is what I will say: I haven’t
been well for a while now. Probably just after we got back from our honeymoon
last year. My symptoms are getting worse, to the point that I was hospitalised
a couple of weeks ago. But the worst of it? I still have no diagnosis.
I have sick leave from work and instead of getting better, I’m still getting worse.
I am awaiting letters for further tests, but it is taking a
painfully long amount of time – literally.
I will write an update and fill you in – if and when I get a diagnosis, although my biggest fear right now is that I won’t get one and I will be stuck like this forever.
But, since being at home alone for the last couple of weeks
and days off still ahead of me, I have come to realise something – quite important
since I am unwell. I think it will serve as a good reminder to anyone reading
We need to remember and realise to let our bodies rest.
I had a whole list of things at home to keep me occupied in my vast amount of free time: catching up on webinars and courses for work, cleaning, organising, lots of blog stuff. But do you know how much of that I’ve actually done? Perhaps 5% of that list, mainly loading the dishwasher and mopping the floor when our kitchen flooded. Most of my time has actually been spent of the sofa, or asleep. Not because I’m being lazy, believe me, I really want to do the things on my list! But because I have literally no energy to do anything else.
But why is that? Of course the answer is obvious – I need to heal! My body has had a few traumas, certainly while in hospital too and therefore I need to heal and recover.
It has made me realise how much I do and rely on myself to do on a daily basis. When I am well, I am always on the go and I never like to stop or ask for help – I just keep going, even when I should just take a breath and rest for a while. I think that goes for many people!
I do wish I had taken my own advice recently; it wouldn’t have prevented my illness sadly, but I did need to be kinder to myself and give myself a break.
Of course, I am a big believer in self-care and I plan to write more about self care with illness in the near future.
It is so difficult to ‘say no’ or to pause when you have a million things to do. I know that I’m saying this now, but (hopefully) in a few months time, I will be back at the same old pace – I will need this reminder again!
So this is a reminder to you all – listen to your body. Say no to plans you just can’t face. Rest when your body or mind are telling you to – that housework can wait. Is it worth the worry? You only have one body, look after it.